I sometimes excuse what white people do when they do/say something sickening concerning race/ethnicity (something Im learning to stop doing)

coz I don’t want to see them as bad or anything, but if I admit to myself fully that what they do or say hurts me, then I’m admitting they do not respect or care about people beyond themselves and so, I am not safe around them when it comes to race stuff. Im 100% safe if I keep them happy by bringing up stuff that only concerns white people but further than that and there will be trouble. This is what made it really upsetting when I had to rethink my friendship with one or two people a couple of weeks/months ago. 

 it’s kind of like the mental and emotional abuse I experienced when I used to live with my parents. Every time they did something awful (which used to be everyday) I would find myself exusing their behavior with “oh they didn’t mean to be that way, maybe if I discuss this with them another time they would undertsand why that is hurtful yadda yadda ya”

because if I admitted to myself that what they were actually doing was abuse,  my  idea of my parents being unconditionally loving just like everyone else’s would fall down and it freaked me out. Especially as my family were the only people I knew in the entire world back then so I depended on them. 

So sometimes, I see POC excusing sickening behaviors of white people with  and though it makes me angry, I wonder if it shows how dependant on white people we’ve been taught to be, to the extent that they could do no worng and if they are challenged, we can tell ourselves they didn’t mean it that way and all will be forgiven. In white soceity, we depend on them for a lot of things (jobs for example) so it’s almost seems like betraying if we call out when they do wrong. which. is. every. day. 

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